You have decided that it is time to sleep coach your baby. But where do you start? Well first, you'll want to read my blog post here for the 10 Steps to Starting a Sleep Coaching Plan, and then the next step is the most important one - picking a sleep coaching method.
There are a lot of methods out there from the 'no cry' to the 'let cry' but the end goal of them all is the same - for baby to be falling asleep independently, free of any sleep props or associations. Read on below for the most common techniques and how they work.
The Chair Method
What does this method entail?
Also called 'the Sleep Lady Shuffle' or 'Camping Out', this method involves putting baby down to bed completely awake then placing a chair beside baby's crib. From the chair, you are able to verbally reassure the child, pat intermittently, shush, or even pick him up if he is very upset. You stay in the room until the child is asleep and return to the chair if baby wakes up throughout the night (and it's not a designated feeding time). Every 2-3 nights, you would move the chair further and further away from the crib until baby is falling asleep without you in the room.
Who is this method for?
This method, although it will almost certainly involve some crying, is labelled a 'no cry' method because of the level of parental intervention. You are there for baby every step of the way and aren't leaving them alone to 'cry it out'. While this method is 'gentle', it can be very difficult on the parents. It is hard to sit in your child's room and watch them cry while trying not to engage with them too much. As well, for children who are not used to having mom and dad nearby (i.e. children who were not previously co-sleeping), the presence of their parents may be more stimulating than comforting. That being said, this method is a great choice for parents who are trying to move baby to their own bed, and it also works well for toddlers who are used to having mom or dad lay with them until they are asleep.
How long does this method take?
The gentler the method, the longer it takes. Since this is on the gentler side, it can take up to 2 weeks to see full results. But of course, every child is different.
Pick-up/Put Down
What does this method entail?
As with all methods, after your bedtime routine you will put baby down wide awake and walk out. You may choose to set intervals of when you will check on baby or to make it even gentler, you will do the checks whenever baby's crying has reached a certain level of intensity. During the checks, you can go to baby, pick them up until they are calm + 1-2 minutes to further relax them, and put them down still awake. You would repeat the Pick-up/Put Downs until your child is asleep.
Who is this method for?
This method works beautifully on babies under the age of 6 months. It is gentle enough that baby is not being left alone for extended periods of time and you are able to help calm them if they are particularly worked up, but still allows them to self-soothe without you present. While this method works great for young babies, it may be too stimulating and confusing for older babies/children.
How long does this method take?
As always, it depends on the baby, but for a young baby using this method, progress will be seen in about a week's time. For an older baby, it may take longer than that, up to 1.5-2 weeks.
Controlled Comforting
What does this method entail?
Also called 'Ferberizing' or 'Check & Console', this method is more direct than the previous two. With this method, you put baby down awake and check on him at progressively longer intervals. Instead of picking him up at the checks, you would reassure baby verbally, or with a few quick bum pats, for 2-3 minutes. This method helps to reassure baby (and yourself!) that everything is okay, but is meant to allow baby to fall asleep on his own. You can tailor this method to your individual family by keeping the check intervals super short, or spacing them out more.
Who is this method for?
This method works great for a family that is okay with using a more direct approach to help baby sleep, but that still wants to be able to reassure baby that they are near. This method can be used on a baby 4 months and up, or for parents who have tried and failed with a gentler method.
How long does this method take?
Since this method requires less parental intervention, it would work quicker, likely in about a week (depending on the child).
Modified Controlled Comforting
What does this method entail?
Also called 'Graduated Extinction', this method is very similar to Controlled Comforting, except that you would only complete a few checks, and none thereafter. The idea is that the constant checks may be too stimulating, so by completing a few, you are still letting know baby you are there for them, but not continually intervening, perhaps prolonging the process.
Who is this method for?
This method might be a good fit for a family who has tried Controlled Comforting without success. Or for a child who seems to get riled up by the checks, but parents still want to complete a few to reassure the baby (and themselves). I would only recommend this method for a baby who is 6 months or older.
How long does this method take?
Since this method involves even less parental intervention than the last, it would work quicker, likely in 5 nights or less.
Extinction
What does this method entail?
This one's pretty simple, after placing baby in his crib awake, he is allowed to self-soothe for as long as it takes without parental intervention. This would be the stereotypical 'cry-it-out' and definitely isn't for every family. Depending on the age of your child, you may choose to have designated feeding times at night, so that you aren't simply shutting the door until morning. Even though this method may involve the most initial tears, it actually results in less crying overall since it works the quickest, but it can be stressful for families and difficult to follow-through with.
Who is this method for?
This method may be a 'last resort' for a lot of families who have tried everything else without results. Some children simply become too riled up with the checks, while other parents are just looking for the quickest path to better sleep. This method is straight-forward and no-nonsense but is definitely not necessarily the best method for families. I wouldn't recommend using this method on a baby younger than 6 months of age.
How long does this method take?
Since this method is the most 'direct' it will work the quickest, usually in 1-3 nights. If it takes much longer than that, that is an indication that baby's schedule may be off (i.e. overtired or undertired), that you are still feeding too close to sleep time, or that this method is not right for your child.
Sleep Coaching Reminders
No matter which method you choose, the key is consistency. Any of the above methods will work if you are 200% consistent. There is no right or wrong choice, it all depends on your parenting philosophies and your baby. Whatever you choose, make sure you are giving it at least a week to decide whether it is working or not. Baby needs to realize that the old way is gone, and the new one is here to stay....and he needs to practice!
How can a sleep consultant help you reach your end goals? The above descriptions are a very general overview of each method. A sleep consultant can help to personalize each plan, to make sure all your ducks are in a row before you begin the plan, and offer unlimited support throughout the process. There are ways we can tweak each method to meet your individual needs, or break each of them into baby steps to help you comfortably achieve your goal.
As well, it is important to note that sleep coaching is not a fix-all solution to sleep problems. There are lots of other components we need to factor in to help baby to sleep better. The majority of the families that I help have tried to 'sleep train' baby on their own in the past without taking all the steps into consideration. Sleep coaching isn't just for a few days or for a few weeks, it's a whole new way of putting baby to sleep.
Please note that I did not invent any of these methods nor do I necessarily endorse them, this is just meant to be a helpful overview of the most popular sleep coaching methods. Thanks for reading!